28 for 29, #26: An anonymous friend

Next in a series about the changes people often face in their late twenties. 

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This installment comes from someone who prefers to remain anonymous. Suffice to say that she’s a badass organizer who always seems to be full of really smart advice and (be warned) isn’t afraid of dropping the f-bomb. 

Sorry this isn’t a formal post but in terms of me giving you advice as you go through this — know that Saturn is a stern task master, and this is an important period of self-inquiry.  You will start to examine all the things that form the basis of your life – who you really want to be in this world – what it is you really want to represent (instead of solely relying or being hemmed in by other people’s expectations) that you get to define what being happy really means — that you might be surprised to find that your definition is different than other people’s definitions, and that is OK!  It is a period of coming in to your _own self_ but know that as you move into closer alignment with your authentic self, that this might mean you have to shed parts of you that you thought were part of your identity (but actually weren’t a true part).  This includes old behavioral habits, internal thinking habits, friends (this one is the toughest), you might change your job or have a dramatic shift in your career (or you might have a completely validating experience and realize that the tiny corner of the Universe you inhabit is exactly where you’re suppose to be – and be glad, you lucky one!)  And of course, there is the love part too — who are you really looking for and needing in a partner in your life?  Saturn return is a time of contrasts, and it’s when you really focus on what it is you’re going to do for the next 25 years (2nd Saturn return is about 55 — the “mid-life crisis”.  If you live into your 80s, the 3rd Saturn Return occurs, and you spend you twilight thinking about what you’ve done and haven’t done.  The “bucket list” period, in modern slang.)

scratchy surface self-portrait

You have to remember that the struggle as you move through this time is part of the lesson.  That ultimately the best way to learn is through experience.  And so people like me might give you advice but ultimately no one can fully explain or prepare you for the wonderful and challenging time you are going through.  The benefits? That I can enumerate, having emerged out of this period: I feel finally relaxed in a new way.  I used to have a fire in the pit of my stomach and be angry, impatient and restless.  But Saturn Return makes you wrestle with that Ambition Beast (if you have one in your stomach like I do) or it wakes that fucker up and makes you talk to the Ambition Beast (which ever of these two options bring balance into your life.)

Cloud Gate / The Bean

The early 30s have been like a very cool autumn day after surviving a heat wave, after recovering from a fever.  Relief at finally really knowing what it is I’m supposed to do and who it is I am, and embracing that and standing in the power of being my authentic self, without apology.  That is the gift of Saturn Return.  Shedding the illusion that you have any control over what other people think about you, and not giving a damn either way.  Release expectations that are unrealistic or harmful to my core of confidence and happiness.  Embracing the notion that it is not sinful or wrong to _just be happy_ and fully accepting that I can and will define happiness as I see fit, and not as a form of comparison against others.  Releasing regret over things that are lost (that the Universe might have intentionally washed away from me.)  That has been what Saturn Return was, for me.  Painful and full of transition and finally full of love and relief and wholeness that I have never felt before, and am so glad to finally find.  Operating from a place of stillness and strength instead of reacting from a place of deficit.

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Remember that – at least I have found – the Universe tends towards balance and that (to my way of thinking) the Universe wants to help you achieve whatever it is you want to achieve in this world.  The Universe WANTS you to succeed, and the Universe KNOWS you, and so will present lessons in your life that are challenging.

Does any of this resonate?

Yes, it does. Thank you, anonymous big sister-friend. I appreciate all that you do to help others find balance, operate from stillness and strength, and wrestle their Ambition Beasts. 

Photos: Millennium Park, Chicago, 2010.

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