Complaining a lot? Tanya Tarr suggested this (via an email):
So here’s what I propose — I challenge you, my sisters, to match every instance of venting with an instance of positivity. I even have a nice acronym – A.R.M., which stands for:
A = Acknowledge
R = Refocus
M = Move on
I’ve used this technique with candidates – to help them remember how to stay on message. When crap hits the fan, when your opponent starts accusing you of eating babies, when you get bogged down, extend an ARM.
I would offer it could like this*:
A = Acknowledge (so that includes venting about how shit’s fucked up.)
R = Refocus (ok, so shit’s fucked up but here’s how it gives us an opportunity…)
M = Move on (let’s take that opportunity and go get those fuckers.)
- A Complete Guide to Hipster Racism (Lindy West, Jezebel) and Understanding Hipster Racism: Lester Bangs’ 1979 “White Noise Supremacists” (Channing Kennedy, Colorlines).
- The Flight from Conversation (Sherry Turkle, NYT): “We think constant connection will make us feel less lonely. The opposite is true. If we are unable to be alone, we are far more likely to be lonely.”
- How to set boundaries with people who want to pick your brain (Alison Greene, Ask a Manager): Made me think of a few people I know.
New photos soon. And maybe a new theme because the formatting feels funky on this one. Anyone have a favorite free WordPress theme that suits photos and text?
6 thoughts on “ARM yourself! (And other weekend reading)”
Hey Julia! Thanks for sharing this! Also I would offer that this isn’t about if you find yourself “complaining a lot.” I offer these three steps to people – often candidates – who know they are headed in to conflict and hostile territory. It’s a way to negotiate that conflict without getting bogged down. Glad you shared it and I love that you turned it in to a verb — ARM yourself :)
Hey Julia — thanks for sharing this — although one note – this wasn’t offered to people “complaining too much”. This is a 3-step mental aikido plan — for people headed in to battle. It’s a way of negotiating conflict. Glad it can be helpful to people, and I love that you turned it in to a verb. :)
Thanks, Tanya – both for sharing the “mental aikido plan” in the first place and also for the clarification. Didn’t mean to twist or oversimplify; I just see the three steps as valuable for people doing all kinds of work (and, perhaps, all kinds of venting). I could see myself ARMing when I’m intimidated by the “wedding industrial complex” just as easily as I could when I’m at odds with my manager about how a project should be approached. Does that make sense?
Just seeing this post now. Loving. A.R.M.ing. Setting boundaries around brain pickers. Thanking!
“wedding industrial complex” LOL. Also sorry I posted it twice I am clearly still learning how to comment. Totally makes sense, of course :) and thanks for linking to me, that was really nice of you.
On the subject of “hipster racism,” please please read this (via my friend Kate B.): http://www.racialicious.com/2012/05/02/a-historical-guide-to-hipster-racism/